Double Decker Bus Crush

TONIGHT AT 10PM EST

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Nigerian Joe

I was talking to a guy on a certain unnamed dating site, hoping to meet some new people and maybe have some fun. 

Here's the thing about this particular site: it's full of assholes - brimming with them.  If I reach out to 13 guys, 10 will ignore me, 2 will block me and 1 will tell me to go fuck myself.  But still, I persist, because I never seem to learn my lesson.  I'm also horny 95% percent of the time. 

We got to talking and "Joe" accused me of ignoring him the last time we spoke.  Honestly, I didn't remember much about him.  This particular site deletes conversations after 10 days unless you subscribe.  I'm pretty sure that subscribing is not going to magically unlock the hidden portion of the site where the hot guys hang out who are nice and don't get impatient while you try to find out if they are serial killers, so I'll pass.

As we continued our chat, Joe revealed that most guys dodge him when he asks to borrow a few bucks. 

Oh, here we go. 

Years ago, at the start of the internet, some gay guy must have agreed to give a straight man money in exchange for nothing at all and now we have an epidemic of straight men bleeding gay guys dry just for the honor of talking to them.

Conveniently, Joe is also out of work.  I'm pretty sure that's what he told me last time when he asked for money.  For the record, I can't stand these sob stories, especially when you get a selfie that includes a fancy looking watch and a pinkie ring.

I wasn't buying his sob story, so I decided to offer advice and told him to try temping, but he scoffed at the idea of a temp job. 

Whatever, Joe.

Still, he continued to ask for money and I tried to steer the conversation into my pants.  He asked me if I wanted him to be my master.  So I said, "Yes," just to see his response.

"Then your master orders you to send over that money now!"  How many of you saw that coming?

I rolled my eyes when he told me I could go to Western Union.  I pretended like I'd never heard of them, but he countered with this:

"If you tell me your exact location, I can find one near you."

How adorable.  Because I couldn't possibly find one using the INTERNET.

You know, it's one thing to hang out with somebody, have a little fun, and spot the guy a few bucks, but to ask for money from a total stranger is just flat out begging.  And also, a turn off.

By this point, it was starting to feel like I was chatting with one of those Nigerian scammers, and was starting to doubt he was the cute Puerto Rican in the pictures he sent me.

In the end I just logged off the site and decided to start blogging again.

THE TUNNEL - An Erotic Short Story

THE TUNNEL is here!

Lovers of work boots and construction workers will be very entertained by this story.  Your satisfaction is assured.

Lester insults a construction worker on a hot summer day and is held against his will inside an old decaying building.

He tries to talk his way out of it, but things only get worse for him as he tries to survive against an onslaught of angry workers who are out for revenge.

This 5,700 word erotic boot fetish story includes boot related violence, sexual language and profanity.

EXCERPT:

Rick and Dean lead me down a cinder block-lined hall while the guards trail close behind. There is no way I’ll be able to escape, so I try to look for maybe an open window or door that I can jump through. I hear voices up ahead and they get louder as we get closer. As we turn the corner, the hallway is lined on either side with burly construction workers.

“Make a path, men. I have a surprise for you.”

The crowd splits, with the men turning to look at me, this outsider who is dressed in a flimsy t-shirt and shorts in contrast to them in their rugged jeans, boots, safety vests and hard hats. They glare at me, some muttering curses as I walk through. I don’t know why they are mad at me – I’ve never seen any of them.

One guy trips me and I almost fall. These massive guys would not hesitate to trample me en mass, crushing me to a pulp in mere seconds.

The hallway leads to an open area with what looks like a raised platform in the center.

“Come on, bitch,” says, Rick, grabbing me by the arm.

I follow him onto the platform and gaze upon the sea of angry workers. I still wish I knew why they were glaring at me.

Rick raises a bullhorn and introduces me; only it’s the worst introduction you could ever ask for in front of this audience. He lies to them, telling them I am here to break up their union and ruin their benefits. As ridiculous as it sounds, they believe him.

My skin goes white as the men yell and curse at me.

“It’s not true! It’s not true! He’s making this up!” I yell, but my voice is drowned out by the deafening roar of the men waving tools and sticks. Nothing’s stopping them from storming the platform and killing me, so I try to run, but Miguel and Jose grab me and I fight for my life. I can see Rick laughing, bullhorn in hand. The crowd is getting even more raucous so the guards pummel me with their fists to satisfy their blood lust

Buy THE TUNNEL for Amazon Kindle here

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SERVICE CALL 3 - An Erotic Short Story

Lester gets another visit from burly plumbers Mike and Paul.

While they make a living fixing things, they are hell bent on stomping and crushing anything they can under their logger boots - including Lester.

This 6,100 word erotic boot fetish story includes boot related violence, sexual language and profanity.

EXCERPT:

Mike’s walks over to the couch, but stops short.

“I’m not sitting there.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not clean enough.  Lester, lay down on the couch – face up.”

Paul runs and throws himself on top of me and pretends to hump me.  He may be playing around, but he is rock hard.  I can’t help but smile when he looks down at me.  He quickly realizes that I caught him, so he grabs a throw pillow and covers my face with it.

“Come on, get up.  I want to sit down.”  Mike says.  Paul quickly gets off, and the pillow falls to the floor.  Mike sits down on my chest and immediately slaps me in the face.  Paul punches me in the balls as revenge for noticing his hard on.

“You bring your cigarettes with you, Mike?”

“Yeah.”

They light up, with Paul bending over to blow smoke in my face.  Mike props his big loggers up on the coffee table, kicking everything onto the floor.  Paul brings his boot up and drops it down on my face while he smokes.  He drags it heavily back and forth, taking advantage of the fact that my arms are pinned down beneath Mike’s body.  He stops moving the boot, letting the treads sink in for a while.

When he pulls the boot off, he marvels at the deep, red prints.

“Look what I did, Mike.”

“Nice work,” he says, putting his cigarette out on the couch arm near my head.

Paul throws coffee on it.  “What’s wrong with you – you want to start a fire?”  He uses his boot to wipe the area where Mike extinguished his cigarette, smearing the ashes.  The air is filled with the smell of burned fabric and coffee.

“Aww, what the fuck, guys?  I can’t afford a new couch!”

They are silenced.

“You fucking believe this guy?”

“He’s really asking for it today.”

“Get up, Mike.”

Buy SERVICE CALL 3 for Amazon Kindle here

Don't have a kindle?  Click here to download Amazon's free Kindle app for your PC

E-Boots: 2 for 1 Subway Spotting

Here's a nice couple of blue collar guys on the subway, dirty pants and boots just taunting the shit out of me.

E-Boots - Nike ACG

Nike ACG boots are one of my favorites, so naturally I get extra excited when I find out someone has a pair.  This pic came to me in an email, but there's something wrong with it.  See if you can figure it out:

Yeah, that pink wall means this guy has kids, which means there's no way he's hosting.  Another one bites the dust.