Nigerian Joe

I was talking to a guy on a certain unnamed dating site, hoping to meet some new people and maybe have some fun. 

Here's the thing about this particular site: it's full of assholes - brimming with them.  If I reach out to 13 guys, 10 will ignore me, 2 will block me and 1 will tell me to go fuck myself.  But still, I persist, because I never seem to learn my lesson.  I'm also horny 95% percent of the time. 

We got to talking and "Joe" accused me of ignoring him the last time we spoke.  Honestly, I didn't remember much about him.  This particular site deletes conversations after 10 days unless you subscribe.  I'm pretty sure that subscribing is not going to magically unlock the hidden portion of the site where the hot guys hang out who are nice and don't get impatient while you try to find out if they are serial killers, so I'll pass.

As we continued our chat, Joe revealed that most guys dodge him when he asks to borrow a few bucks. 

Oh, here we go. 

Years ago, at the start of the internet, some gay guy must have agreed to give a straight man money in exchange for nothing at all and now we have an epidemic of straight men bleeding gay guys dry just for the honor of talking to them.

Conveniently, Joe is also out of work.  I'm pretty sure that's what he told me last time when he asked for money.  For the record, I can't stand these sob stories, especially when you get a selfie that includes a fancy looking watch and a pinkie ring.

I wasn't buying his sob story, so I decided to offer advice and told him to try temping, but he scoffed at the idea of a temp job. 

Whatever, Joe.

Still, he continued to ask for money and I tried to steer the conversation into my pants.  He asked me if I wanted him to be my master.  So I said, "Yes," just to see his response.

"Then your master orders you to send over that money now!"  How many of you saw that coming?

I rolled my eyes when he told me I could go to Western Union.  I pretended like I'd never heard of them, but he countered with this:

"If you tell me your exact location, I can find one near you."

How adorable.  Because I couldn't possibly find one using the INTERNET.

You know, it's one thing to hang out with somebody, have a little fun, and spot the guy a few bucks, but to ask for money from a total stranger is just flat out begging.  And also, a turn off.

By this point, it was starting to feel like I was chatting with one of those Nigerian scammers, and was starting to doubt he was the cute Puerto Rican in the pictures he sent me.

In the end I just logged off the site and decided to start blogging again.